Recover what was lost.

Is there ever any possibility of recovering what was lost?
Or do we simply attempt to enjoy the moment for what's its worth..

I did the latter.
I walked home becoz, I may never know when will be the last days that my 2 legs carry me so far..
not that I lasted very long, becoz,..walking back...I puked my way out..
Thank goodness it wasn't in a car eh?
But I still got home eventually.

I realised several people have been confused, that I'm healed;
sorry folks.. I believe you've great faith,
but I'm not 'healed' since technically there's no medical cure for me..
Instead I get painkillers and other drugs to lower my inflammation.
The 'spondlithis' has been spreading into my torso areas etc...
So that's why I often feel I'm swimming; controlled breathing even whilst sitting around..

But Ladies & Gents, rest assure, I'm trying very hard to appreciate the days left for me..its really kinda life-changing..in some sense, that is really making me live out life..You really don't know the beauty of life till things like death challenges you to slow down, to really open up your eyes, and smell the beauty in GOd's creation.
Try it for one day.

Back to the topic of attempting to recover what was 'lost' ..
Is that ever possible?
Even repaired broken 'china', cracks show.
But isn't our own lives full of cracks held together by the grace and love of God?
I honestly don't know if attempting to recover what was 'lost' is worth the effort.
I'm really at a loss..
Its the same old story of many people I wish to meet up with,
but I sense this..'in'-capability to carry that on.
How I hate myself when I 'become' well for others;
tell them the things they wanna hear, becoz.. I've learnt that the price to pay for making others' fed-up with u is something I want never to repeat again.
Neither do I want anyothers to worry for me. Its kinda useless.
Same as me trying to contact or encourage others, that may never get back a reply, or maybe I'm just so transparent..

bum-mer..it can really leave me speechless.

When I keep hearing ppl say, "it takes time, you'll be ok.."
I know that well, but I don't know how much time left is for me.
Only my maker knows. Maybe I'll live for a long life, but forever 'handicapped.'
Or never able to regain who I was.
Does that really matter?

To me, its a big _______.