Knowing oneself

"One who knows the enemy and knows himself will not be endangered in a hundred engagements.
One who does not know the enemy but knows himself will sometimes meet with defeat.
One who knows neither the enemy nor himself will invariably be defeated in every engagement."
-Sun Tzu

Knowing oneself is a tough process with no short cut in sight. Bit by bit, I'm learning that it involves stripping oneself of pretense and delusion; deceit in any form or manner. Its been a painful process, laying bare my mental and physical self in honest realization.

I'm going to be 24 years of age in a couple of months. Although those who have met me may not believe, but yes, I've existent for 23 years and a little more. In the quest to regain some mental sanity and sharpness for work , I've realize the downward spiral of my mental and spiritual health in the last couple of years.

I asked myself this question as I type this paragraph into existence. What the bloody hell am I doing with my life? Do I know what I'm doing?? Do I even know myself at all?

It starts from the daily things and the things that I'm not doing or not getting it done. "Why am I not doing what I'm suppose to ?"... sigh.. thus begins the audaciously trying process of self- examination.

I know I'm in a rut, socially, mentally and most likely physically as well. What's important for me is not simply accepting that I'm in a rut, but having the desire, will and determination to live beyond this ditch or wallow in mediocrity.

Getting to know myself is no ego trip or simply admitting that I'm a failure and maintaining status quo. I've failed so often over the past few years, and its getting more difficult and challenging to stand up once again to be up for the next battle.

But as Sun Tze points out, if I don't know myself, then each battle I'll be fighting a losing war.

In the modern, globalized world today, employers might consider paying well for a jack-of-all trades, but its really the specialist; the people who have realized their strengths, worked on it and make it really outstanding that gets the final nod when it matters.

I got go spend more time on my own wisely, and maybe with trusted friends, to build up myself through prayer and petition. I'm losing focus in my life. Admitting it is the first step. Doing something and moving forward towards the goal is another step altogether.