Nah Nah Nah .. hey hey.. goodbye.

Goodbye.. is the hardest word for me to say.

How do u say it to someone you care, someone you never want to part from? Does it make easier to say when there's a chance we will meet again? Does it mean you will still feel the same way when we meet again?

Maybe I'm just to selfish to let things go. Or too proud to submit to inventible.

I've learnt that loving someone doesn't mean the person would be with you. That I understand. But how do I feel so wretched when people keep telling me to let it go..say goodbye and what nots. Compounded with a fear that is slowly but surely growing over me.

I talk to no-one from my heart anymore. Very soon. I may become irrelevant.

I realize that a fear in me that is growing ever so strongly. And this pain is slowly taking over my emotions.. my upswing.

What do you fear more? Loneliness or the pain of being hurt or hurting someone in a relationship.. I fear the latter. Both I do fear. But the second fear, of being hurt and hurting someone is just driving me away from people and issues.

That fear haunts me.

Sitting at the bar counter alone once again tonight.. hearing the song, "a better man".. and being served by a lady with the exact name of yr former... is really a kick in the head ( incidentally I've a huge dent in my skull for knocking into my sisters' bed ~ tsk tsk..)

in me. there's a great sense of lost. of what I don't understand.

am I stress with work? I don't think so. that stress isn't impossible to manage.

with relationships? my few friendships are working out I guess.

what with then?

I have no idea. maybe its just saying the words goodbye.