on the road of recovery

the road home is always the most expectant, the most exciting..its like waiting to open presents on Christmas day. And no, I've little festive mood or cheer. Not that I've nothing to give thanks for.. but.. pardon the words, but why we only wait till this day to express affection to others.. to take a 'proper' rest..etc.. And no, Christmas parties isn't a hallmark invention..it was actually done by coca-cola .. don't u get the colours of Santa's outfit? Now it seems, the beer companies do it better..

But its rather thru all these festive cheer, I turn once again to 'morbid' mode.. HAHA.. Well, if you do count how many Christmas you've spent with your love(d) ones.. and how many chances you would have, I believe this celebration is going to be more insightful in the manner you appreciate things.

What I've realize on the road of recovery~closer to the kingdom of heaven then I was the day before.

Many of us lack the ability to truly do what our heart; our spirit commands us to do. We give in to all sorts of vices, our own pride & prejudice etc.. Its really when the holy spirit grants us insight and wisdom that we learn and search our hearts; motivations towards the things we do.

Speaking of P&P.. yes, its a very a good flim if you enjoy watching Kerian Knightely..but other than her, its a very typical Jane Austin book when relationships, personal afflicition are put under a microsopic view. How often we're guilty of when Lizze or Mr Darcy's folly? So much aren't we? It may not be for a sweet heart/hunk..but our friends, family, even people we meet but have our own reservations to approach.. Aren't we suffering from the same as what this couple have. If only we truly look at how ugly we're or we can be.

And when I finally end up at the broken stage, I know my answer does not lie in another person, in the right philosphy in life.. the KARMA.. or as the fortune-teller tells me.. (yeah, a fortune-teller tried to speak into my life..but well, I think its rather amusing!)

the answer simply lies in the cross.

we can be all that we can. But we can never be the cross. We're nothing in comparsion. If we're not a hidrance.. (how often we don't know we're, till the spirit tells us so or when others rebuke us!! maybe ignorance will never allow that to happen?)
...we should then always intercede in the manner of the cross.

I'm not going to write a sermon, but I do strongly agree and feel led by the spirit of what is being 'taught' on the daily devotional for the 20th of Dec. It may or may not speak to you..but my prayer that a seed or insight would be granted to you.

I need the cross, though I fear it too much to even wear it over my neck.. Maybe I should tatoo it on my arm or something.
My new racket broke again. It has been sometime I've been this angry. But I give thanks that the Lord allow it to happen with the right person, with the right people around. Thank you father.
I know and I can sense my spirit.. I know I'm coming back to you soon. Please teach me and allow your servant to grow. I can't wait to be back with you father. I sense it near.

Grant me the strength to put it in the right perspective. Amen.