think about what you really want.
Hey Bud,
I know you often do read this blog abit, thus I thought I should reply you here. Don't know if what i write will be relevant, but since God has put me through it.. maybe there're for a purpose.
Its funny, what you asked me, was so similar to what I went thru, but for the matter, the roles were reversed. Therefore, I can't exactly guide you, but I'm sharing from the other perspective.
I think for 2 people in a long-term committed relationship, there needs to have more than love. Love is the main dish. But you would need other staples in your diet of the r/s. Love has the power to forgive and disslove all things, but it takes other techniques, maturity and even at times a self-ness to make the relationship work. Personalities play a big part, but I think at the end of the day, I think for a committed relationship, both parties should usually have the 'we' thinking and not the 'I'. I strongly believe, once the 'I' mentality takes over.. esp in important decisions.. then, yeah, it could lead to bigger problems in your relationship. This is highly unhealthy. But knowing that your current relationship has been for a while, then I think you would know abit more what I mean. But communicate your issues. Keeping it under wraps and then declare one day, you need a break-up becoz of these issues is very unfair. You're only hurting the person you love.
You mention about the 'tireness' factor. I don't know about my ex-darling, but even till now, I think I've not grown to wander in my 'keeping my eyes for you' attitude. I'm not sure if its discipline, but I do remember 1 thing, way back in the 1st year plus of my realtionship(ed), she gave me a book entitled," Don't sweat the small things in love" and it was a very educational book. One of the greatest teaching was to understand that the grass isn't greener on the other side. Instead, learn to truly appreciate and enjoy the growing personalities being evolved over time. Your partner, I believe is very unique and beautiful in her own way. Don't be clouded that what is new, can be better. It could be. But more importantly, when you say you love this person, its loving the person, through the periods of imprefection, the days of anger.. boredom.. etc.. inside us, we can love this person this manner, becoz honestly, "do to others what, you want others to do to you".. this is a love principal. You've to keep going back at it.
Lastly, you talked about taking a 'breather' or break and patch.. thingy. Well, wat are you afraid of? OR more importantly what are you planning for? Up till today, I understood what was the 'reasons' for my break-up.. but I understand that may only be more of a execuse than a reason. The fact is, it hurts !!! Amazing pain.. but not only from my ex-es, but like teenagers, there're a hundred bad break-up reasons or what. I think a mutual break-up is best, when both parties know that it won't work. To me, if this thought has been flashing through your mind, then please communicate it. You may think, keeping quiet would help. No.. it wouldn't. Becoz the very likely scenario is that your actions would have already hinted to your partner about your consideration. Talk about it soon. If not, once your partner brings it up, then.. she's only likely talking about it and agreeing to it becoz she is believing that what she's doing is the best for you. I don't think that is the honourable way to treat a person nor a relationship Be real. Even if you're a lady, if you truly love your partner, but there are some issues, even if its abit more personal, you've to communicate or allow the issue to be resolve over time, for quick fixes are only for furniture!
Its nothing wrong to me to ask for a second chance. We all make mistakes in the 1st place. But remember, 2 wrongs don't make a right. Don't expect an immediate return from her either. But the likelyhood you might consider the person again is there if the break-up was over circumstances.. but it takes 2 mature people to say, I want to give it another try. I never had the opportunity to do so, so I don't think I can say much, but from what I understood, people who have 'renewed' the relationship usually are much stronger.. and have a good marriage, becoz they've treasure and reaffirn their choice to be together.
Don't let money nor other worldly issues affecting your relationship to the extend of breaking point. Once its over, please continue to treat the person with the utmost love and respect that you can; however bad the break-up was.
That is all. My thoughts and prayer are with you through this period too. May i pray that you've wisdom to go through it all, and the strength to withstand all the challenges ahead.
Your bud.