People who need people.
I'm one of those people now.
People who need people.
As much as what I've been going thru, as much as how sometimes, I'm so vexed over human relations, I come to the point tat, yesh, people need PEOPLE.
Its not if PEOPLE WHO have people don't need the LORD.
Don't get me wrong, we need GOD even more than people, but if u've just only GOd,how do we know u're worthy to exercise yar faith, fruit n being before the LORD?

Confused? DOn't be.
If we only needed GOD, there wouldn't be EVE, there wouldn't the 1st family.
All things are within his CONTROL.
as much as I've been hurt by actions of some, I've also been encouraged by others. Brothers who spent their evening with me, becoz, they cared.
I'm very thankful for all the prayers, n their time n attention, becoz, I needed them. It wasn't easy for me, becoz, so often, I withdraw esp becoz I don't feel human relations can be trusted anymore. Or tat I'm worthy of it at all, but I'm thankful for those who have called, when I decided to leave.

With advise from people n all, n prayer, I'm trying to embark on the next phase in my life. I don't even know if I'm ready, but I know its not his will in my life to carry on life in this manner.

I've also felt tat I owned my faith, at testing times, thru illness or death, it had always been God's grace in my life to pull me thru. Why shouldn't this be any different. Ironic, tat if I normally followed my reaction to be 'moulded', I shouldn't have been hurting some-people. But, I guess, I've not really been myself lately. Often, ppl say testimonies, that the old has gone, the new has come...maybe for me, I need to go back n find who I was at first, n pick it up from there. Yes, if I look at my past, I can cringe, but I can also give thanks for the work of Christ in me since then. Should I give thanks to the work that Christ has started in me, or should I just lay paralyize in fear of failure or sins again.
I've not being close to Christ for over months now, becoz.. sometimes, when I read his promises, or when I remember his promises to me, it griefs me instead. Not becoz, I don't believe in them, but becoz I felt such a bad stewart. I kept harping on myself, n allow myself to believe tat I wasn't good enough. I even tried marginlize my spiritual growth, I tried taking responsibilites for all things tat wasn't right in my life, others... N feeling so broken, I thought, I was doing the right thing. Then, it struck me, it struck me of my foolishness. I was claiming upon a curse tat already been paid for. I cannot believe in the lies, of my guilt, if others have already forgiven me.
This revelation didn't bring a spark to me, but it only confirm my foolishness. Yes, n I owe it to God, myself, my loved ones, to stop all these nonsense in me. God didn't allow his son to die on the cross, so tat I can take my own cross n fight for my salvation. My parents didn't raise me up till such an age, to see me waste away the years when I should start taking care of myself n them. My loved ones didn't make decisions so as to kick me in the gut, they may not know how to care, but the fact doesn't change tat they do. As for me, won't I be an idiot, to let all these juz bury me. If I'm gone today, wat kinda testimony would I leave behind?
The very words, I would so want to hear from the FATHER ABOVE, would never materalize in me.
Yes, I need people to move on, n today, I've decided to stop all the stupidity of degrading myself. I'm after all, the one tat Christ suffered on the cross for. Have I not done enought to place my sins on his shoulders, wat more if I continue to mock him if I choose to constantly degrade myself.
Being a Christian is about a renewed confidence. Not in my hands, not in others, but confident of the father above. Confident tat he won't waste away the tears shed over the months, the physical pain I endure each day, nor wat the future holds.
Becoz if the father above, can take care of the birds in the sky, kept the cockroach for millions of years, wat more me. Wat more u.
I don't claim victory in this dark phase of my life,
but I claim tat I'm not a slave of the dark side.
I'm forever his. Nothing I can do will change tat. It has already been sealed. Like JOB, I wanna be a JOB of my time. They talk abt a JOSHUA generation. Yes, I believe in tat. I also believe in our mist, there'll be JOBS. There are Jeremiahs, Daniels n even Jonahs, yesh I believe in our mist, God will raise up men n even RUTHS, MARYS, ppl that will stand as a testimony of how the holy spirit, GOD's love, his truth has made them set apart, for their will is to demostrate God's love for his people.. n maybe, in time to come, I'll be worthy to be in tat leauge, that I've gone all thru this becoz, like JOB, GOD knew beforehand, I'm his forever. Till the end of times.

I'll make decisions in time to come, n they may seem selfish, but please understand from the bottom of my heart, tat I don't mean to be. Brothers, Sisters of the faith, if I offend u, pls come forward n let me know. Becoz, I don't believe in making decisions n cause hurt or upset others. But I also know, I cannont always guess if I do this or tat will cause hurt. I must start to walk out in faith more. If I step over the line, u've every right to get me back in line, becoz I would thank u for such, then to worry if I step on wrong toes, or rock someone's faith. Becoz people need people, so pls don't be a miser if u've wisdom to impart, for I'll glady thank u for them. I don't wish to make decisions without consulting n considering the consequences, I'm not as bold to use God's soverigity n hide behind it. Instead, I rather pray n may friends around act as lighthouse(s) n help me not crash on rocks, becoz sometimes, I can't see thru my own fog.

Cheers to all.