the book of JOB

I spend my yesterday...esp in the evening reading the book of JOB. It wasn't by chance but divine intervention.

And how the principals of this book spoke to me.
May I share wat I've learnt.

In the book of JOB, God's faithful servant JOB was allowed by God to be test by SATAN, to show how we should be faithful to God even though times aren't rosey.

JOB wasn't extra spiritual, he didn't love the pain inflicted upon him, but his attitdue never wavered. He did moan n complain much like King David in the book of psalms..but the way he did so, really challenged me.

3 of JOB's friends try to counsel him, sharing his burden. Yes, they have the right motive, to ease JOB, but I guess they lost the big picture. N recently in my life, that had happened. A mentor brought up a topic I believed was resolved...n when he did bring it up, old memories n hurts started opening up again. Bless his heart, I knew he wanted to help...but for the last 2 days, the HOLY SPIRIT has showed me the real cause of my own 'suffering.'

Why am I suffering? Becoz, I feel lonely. I feel betrayed. I feel lost. I felt that all my efforts for others weren't recognised, why my friends still avoid me. In other words, I feeling lousy, didn't have any confidence in relationships anymore. I knew God is faithful, but why must human relationship/love be so untrustable ... I made the mistake of hoping man could be a mini-god. I was expecting the wrong things. I thought tat they would also share with me their joys, not just their struggles. I wasn't expecting a reward, I thought tat I would be worth something. But then, I'm wrong. I needed to re-evaluate my trust system.
Am I worth someone to leave their comfort zone and reach-out-to me? I don't know. I don't know why they care, or how they care. I give up abt this.

I will be forth-coming n say.. I'm still hurting ...becoz, so many reasons have been used to justify the means. Somepeople said to me, hey atleast I'm(the person) still here. I promise to call once in a week or so okay? We can't talk now becoz, we have to get rid of dependency; we need clarity; its too vulnerable now, etc... I'm not blaming the persons..I believe they've the right to do as they please. I won't even know why I've been outcasted from relationships, ministries unless I bite my lips n ask them why..my-my..I've the fair share of people just giving me reasons, like 1 sentence long to justify my 'forced' departure. Years of service, labour, love ends into one sentence. N did I do the job/relationships so badly? Did I screw up their lives, programs..do I deserve it?

In all, everything else is meaningless right?
I don't like this outlook, but I pray tat it won't be permanet. Lord, forgive me, tat I've return back to a 'maverick'. But I would like to thank u for the times, of blessing with others. Please grant me the hope, one day. Please Lord, I submit my emotions to u, may the holy spirit keep it in check.
May I not give up the faith in U..may I've the heart of JOB.