Answering the FAQs
Since its been a time of reunions, catching-up with old friends, I get the usual questions; therefore inspired by a cell-member, I'm going to simple post this Answer to FAQs.
Forgive me if I rant too much on certain topics, or reveal too little in others.
Here goes.
Q: Are you attached?
A: No. Have been single for the 2 years, dated briefly twice in 2006, both came to a conclusion that it is better to be 'friends'.
Q: Why so?
A: I simply self-destruct in relationships. What more romantic ones? I've an innate ability to be too truthful, brutally honest, and constantly evaluating myself if I'm suitable for the person I'm seeing. Therefore, I find myself grossly inadequate to be suitable for the person. I'm neither strong, dashing, affluence, worst of all; I am declining in terms of 'market value'
Q: Isn't that a reflection of low self-esteem?
A: Yes. I believe so. Everyone has baggage, and when you usually accept people into your life, you take the package deal. Within the first few dates, I would usually give my date a glimpse of the baggage that are with me; namely a sever lack of health and a terribly managed time-table.
Q: Why are you allowing yourself to live such a defeated life?
A: Its always a struggle between facing reality and stepping out in faith for me. To be real, it will be a constant struggle for the rest of my days. Truth to be told, my health is declining, although through the grace of God not as bad as the last few years, the emotional and psyche has unfortunately been twisted with the decline of my health. I'm no longer in the physical and now emotional state of health to be a stable support and provide one crucial factor that all the ladies would agree is essential in a relationship-> a sense of security.
Furthermore, I strongly believe that when you love someone, you should also learn to let the person go. To love someone, is to provide choices for the person; irregardless of your own personal interest to keep the person in your arms.
Seriously, who wants to be with a living 'cripple' and what the insurance industry terms as a time-bomb. Why would you invest anything more than friendship with someone like that?
Q: Are you serious ?
A: In this day and age, we no longer talk about honour, privilege and respect in the same gravity of our forefathers. Each individual soul is greatly important. I personally am not able to live with myself to be the wrong person at the wrong timing for someone; clogging her growth; even though I may be attractive or personally very interested in the individual. This principal not only regulates how I believe the courtship issues should be handled, but extends to my general principal for all other relationships. And this is the main reasons why I've let down my dates.
Q: So you self-destruct in dates?
A: Funny how I use to coach younger males how to date; keep their dates interested. Well, my own practical example were good in the younger days. These days, I tend to give my dates a horrid first date; and better dates when there are 'returns'. I'm constantly reminded to 'keep my charms in the cupboard'
Q: Why do you do so?
A: A close friend gave me a remark that invoke much stronger thoughts. In summary; I give the impression of a confident, driven young chap etc.. but like a coin, there is a flipside of me that is often kept away. Therefore, when someone who is close realizes this, they might be in for a rude shock to say the least.
Therefore, I come to the conclusion that its better to be much more forth-right from the start, and build things progressively better as things develop. That is why I hate the 'good/ nice guy tag'
Q: Why hate the compliment?
A: 7 out 10 ladies would find a 'good guy' attractive. The ratio of being attracted to a 'good guy' is something like 2 out of 10.. at this age of 21-29.
What irks me most, is that being a good guy is like a mask of the seriousness of my health issues; a good calling card, but a horrible reputation to even keep up with.
Lastly, I find being the 'good guy' as an obstacle of my personal desire to be a testimony of God's love and grace. I'm extremely uncomfortable to be labelled as good; when I know I've thoughts that are no where near holy. Being a 'good guy' has masked the wonderful grace of God in my life and God's love for the person. If you do a loving act, people will see it as you being good; when all I want to communicate is God loves you. Its a very different message.
Q: Moving on, where do you see in all these?
A: I've made public jokes and invited my friends to recommend me ladies to befriend. But just the last few days, have made me realize how horrible inept I'm. In the mist of knowing someone, I've done severally dumb things. I've realized that my psyche has been more twisted than I imagine. I think I even have a fear of allowing someone to be interested. Even if there could be a hint of possibility, I would either scare the person off or do something incredibly stupid.
Of course, I would love to be in a mutually loving relationship. But, if that is not meant to be, I will continue to strive to be in the best position to bless others.
..........to be continued.