Its October! Closing thoughts on Human Relationships
Its October.. another season. for me esp. in the numerical valuation of my life. In a few weeks, I would be another season older, hopefully, I would be able to have the privilege of looking back and give thanks for the invaluable lessons learnt in this journey.
Last month, I rattled on and on abt relationships. No doubt it still a favourite pet topic of mine to engage in.. I think its wiser to end my comments on it.. after this entry .. :D
Relationships, well.. the last few random thoughts I've are/were..
Have you ever wonder how blind we all can be at times, when the very person that would complete or bring your life closer to the very purpose you're made for.. .. is superficially not your dating type. Maybe, he's too fat/ skinny, young/old, doesn't have that career drive you're hoping for.. Or for us guys, maybe she's not the cute/intriguing lady that you always fancy. Not everyone is going to marry a William gates, aston kutcher, Allan wu/ Angelina jolie, ___ (insert any hot Korean actress name here) or even a fiona xie !!
Are we no different from horses that wear blinders when it comes to human relationships?
Should we consider that SOMEONE, in someway.. have the potential to ignite your life.. the very person to grow old with you. Of course, the silliness of giving it all that up, to see if the grass is greener on the other side is the very bane for all of us mankind.. with hardly any exceptions.
It is after all a preference issue, no different from choosing chilli or mustard sauce. You either love it or hate it, there's no wrong with either choices. I used to be very open about who I date, but later I realize I'm usually attracted to specific personality traits in ladies.. I became more aware and selective.. But like a closet romantic, I know deep inside, maybe there's someone out there.. who would challenge all my preconceived 'expectations' and in time to come entralled me in the a holstic manner for the rest of my life.
We're after all never goanna meet up fully to the expectations of the ideal partner that we dream of in our idle time. In us, we have quirks about us that we might be even embarrass to share with our family members, what more the very person you're trying to attract. Even when two people get together, the most common stress point, is the promise of "I'm goanna change this habit.... trait.. for you.. becoz I love you.. " Well..its easy to say, but a totally different ball game to even fulfil it. Counsellors would tell you, that change takes time, don't be surprised that you may have a strong dislike for people who are very headstrong.. but you end up dating someone who is as stubborn as a mule.. it might take years.. if you can bare through it.. for the person to inch out and be more.. flexible.. if it even happens in the first place!
I won't go into the issue of opposite personality attraction. Or the simple fact that each one of us are special in our own ways = we're all oddballs!!
Instead, like any young adult entering a phase of seeing our peers in and out of relationships, attending funerals, weddings, house-warming and all that..I think its part and parcel of reflection, we ask ourselves.. Hmm.. do you really want to remain single ... or even take the plunge of being open to be dateable.
What is being dateable? Is it being irresistible? I'm so tempted to say YES!! but actually its not. To me, being dateable, is to be comfortable in your own skin to share with someone your life, to be both vulnerable to the effects of eros, and balanced with the desire to self-cultivate a stronger personality; improving on your own quirks, and growing as individual.
Being dateable is also an issue of priority. Seriously, if your work schedule is going to be packed Monday to Sunday.. how would you even have the energy to cultivate a deeper relationship with someone .. I for one, am going to, or already have embark on this path. Seriously, for all of us who are a little fearful of relationships or need a break from it, its not the worst thing to have your work stretching across the days of your life.. Dating is afterall, an expensive social activity.
If your self-reflection/observation towards relationship reveals a "its about me!" attitude or you behaviour towards people is like they owe you a living.. or you love to nurse people.. hmm.. maybe you should start wondering " is that a possibility for me to relate to another person as my equal/ partner for the rest of my life".
I think before we enter/while we're in the relationship..its always good to be reflective in our attitude towards our love ones :D
If you find that too hard, Of course, we could all go back to primitive times, and like the animals..
do the mating dance :D