the Changing wind
Being stuck with the haze for the last few days, have been good timing to push me to join the gym rat gang. Oh well, I've only been to the gym twice so far. With really light weights as compared to the rest, and since I'm a trial member, I've focusing on using the cable-pulley resistance machines. All at the comfort of being in a majority male club, without looking ridiculous by the fairer gender incomparsion to the alpha male tone bodies.
Writing this blog, would then suffice my need for mental exercise. I don't think its a direct stimulating effecting, but it does remind me to work on my language skills. The more you write at times, the better you would be understanding yourself, others and most importantly, improve one's understanding of the dynamics of communication.
In the last couple of days, I've been praying and mediating over one certain issue in life. To cut the long story really short; I've been waiting, for the season to step up again to fall on my lap.
But that wind has changed
Its about no longer allowing yourselves excuses in life, in issues like, "why are you late?" " why are you so nervous about this.. "
Its about no longer allowing my body and mind to tell my soul thoughts of self-pity, " tomorrow will be a better day".... "they won't understand what you're going through, one day they would.. but not today.." --> all those procrastinating and negative thoughts. All those thoughts must be renewed, they must be exchanged with eyes and minds that hold onto the promise of God.
My belief is that everyone is design to live for purposes far greater than themselves. We can live out our lives that deny who are meant to be, and still live reasonable .. satisfying lives. However, there would be an inner conflict. A calling out to your heart, that you would need much effort to suppress. Of course, this isn't your idealistic dreams such as owning the latest Italian automobile, or getting the dream job. Its about living out a passion, a higher calling, a relation to others more than yourself.
For too long, I've question myself about the very existence of my life. The bane of my life was a breakdown of confidence. Questions about the manner I live my life was rightly called into question, but my response and the attitude towards it; in the long haul was unhealthy to say the least.
After a while, when you've suppressed yourself long enough, it soon becomes second nature. I remember watching the local film, "SINGAPORE DREAMING" .. the female lead actress talks about her passion of singing .. how she had to supress many things in her life to play the role of a housewife.. and her courage to come out of the shell later when she finally comes to grip with her husband's death.. is reflective of how I feel deep inside now.
winter has come to past. Its the time for Spring. For over a year, I lived a life of winter. I've been defrosting for over a slight period ... Now I need to give room in my own life to let Spring come forth.
Lord, grant me the courage to let go of the bane of the past season in this life. Please let your hand be upon me, let my eyes be of faith and the inner will to be of courage; to resign the past to its rightful place. I step forward with fear, and my hands tremble before what you would place for me. But I know that you would never tempt me more than I can bare. I know you've plans to enlarge my tent. I need your wisdom and strength to be a worthy steward for all that you place upon me.
I turn to you again .. like a sheep to its Shepard.