Romance oh romance.

I love to multi-task things in my life. I love to multi-task. Be it, driving, eating, even taking a shower, etc.. I've no idea why.
I think the best two things that I do with all my concentration is sleeping, and well.. maybe....that something in the near future.. Called Romance.

And today, while doing my reflections-reading-listening to music, all at the same time, concurrently.. I realize a little more about me in relationships.

I'm not going to fool myself anymore that I'll be jolly and happy to live the rest of my life as a single. For a long time, I told myself I wasn't suitable for anybody else; with all my luggage of emotional and physical burdens holding me back. But, deep inside me, I know there lies a part of me, somewhere out there. Someone for me to be part of till the end of days.

I know I'm happy amongst people, but too many people kind of bothers me. I love to see the wonderful dynamics of human relations at work , be it in romance or friendships.. The buzz of romance, the excitement, the psyche of it all.. it intrigues me.

This year, I had the wonderful privilege of knowing two young ladies better. Sadly, things didn't click. Both ladies were attractive in their own manner and had their own queues of suitors; but they still gave me a chance to get to know them much better. Things didn't workout though.

Why things didn't work out? I was at a loss.

I examined myself.. my actions, my struggles. It boiled down to me not being ready. Somehow deep inside me, I want to be ready, but I just couldn't be ready; just for anybody. Even for those that I'm attracted to.. I don't trust myself. I armed myself with my close buddies, trusting that they would understand what suits me better, and well, to help me be accountable to them.

I guess I'm still a chicken when it comes to it. But, well.. its a start I guess. Start meeting people and changing mind-sets.

While I probe myself further on what I would anticipate my ideal partner to be, I find these qualities in two female friends. One, unfortunately, I'm not in contact with anymore. With her, I guess we have similar priorities, our different personalities would have clicked and well, I think we would have been able to enjoy each other's energy level, and cheer each other up when we're down. We could go crazy together, learn something new.. or simply just stay at home and cook meals for our family.
The other lady, I just realize how wonderful it would to get to know her better. All this while, I was on a lookout to find the right guy for her; one fine evening, I find myself looking at her who could easily complete me, by just being who she is.

But would they ever find me a suitable candidate for their own lives? I doubt it. But I'm already blessed to know these two ladies. They have become a model of the qualities in a lady that would complete me. Now if only out there this moment, a lady would think of me in the manner I'm praying for her too.

Simply amazing isn't it? Sometimes, that very person that could be most suitable for you ends up being your best friend, or your best buddies partner.. or you have lost their contact.. who knows,that someone could even be that person you hate now, but end up heads and heels in love with. It is after all a thin line, between passionate love and intense hate. Love isn't impossible. But its controllable in its manifestation.

I learn recently this metaphor that when it comes to relationships, well, there are 2 ladders. One is of coz the romantic ladder, the other is purely friendship. I've my fair share of lady friends that reside on the friendship ladder.. I never really consider the fact that female friends on the friendship ladder could cross over, but who knows. My first lady love was a friends for years, before things developed further. Could this be the appropriate manner then? Well, I have my doubts since, I know when things on the romantic ladder doesn't work out, its extremely hard for it to be transferred back to the friendship level. The years and years of friendship would easily be undone.. by mere attraction and stupidity.

is it then worth the risk? I dare not do so now. Unless the feelings are mutual, and the gut feel is that it could work.

Oh tsk tsk. romance is becoming like a major.. major.. knot as you advance in life.