A storm in a teacup or more..
Thank you my dear anon writers, for filling up 5 comments worth! I think there's the current record now. Cheers.
May I address them, so that we all might bringing this exciting season to a close, and move on to our own lives or other controversies.
Firstly, thank you for the noble hearts to stand up for your friend, your efforts in protecting this kinship is admirable to say the least. However, may I humbly recommend the following...
"We cannot control what others say about us, but we can surely be in control of our attitude towards the reply."
With that in mind, lets put all these in perspective.
I would like to thank the first writer, for his/her example in being bold, offensive even at times to challenge my words and thoughts.. maybe you meant to highlight that was the how I'm making my ex, and her friends feel. Interestingly enough, although the low-blow is acknowledged, I'm still dumb founded by your attitude and reactions.
Come forward and talk..
If my blog is offensive to you, you can always approach me. My ex did on one article, a year back, and I did retract that entry not because I felt it was an offensive entry, but merely becoz she was uncomfortable at it. She was a direct party. Hmm, do I then remove every entry becoz someone is uncomfortable. Honestly, if the person is directly involved, I would. But if the entry makes you uncomfortable becoz you disagree with it, or you find that this entry deviates from your own personal opinion of someone or some ideology, then .. I'm sorry but then I may have to stand my ground.
I appreciate the honourable way that my 2nd writer suggested. Surely I look forward to our exchange when it comes. Although the 1st writer was annoyed at this suggestion, and suggested that I should take up a chair and do a rally of sorts.. I find this alittle dis-tasteful.
I would recommend that if we do have issues, that matters be resolved face to face. Of coz, part of problem; post relationship was that, my ex and I never really sat down and talk. All the people around us did that for us. We weren't encourage to speak for months, so when the time was right, there was alot of pissed off steam I guess.. When you don't get to see someone, hear their tone, talk to them.. how can you expect to understand.
Let's be honest, e-mails, sms, and even blogs are usually very poor mouth pieces for our actual moods. There are so much more we can express that the multimedia fails to even detect, and so much confusion is created when words are open to be interpreted.
I was term a maverick not becoz I wanted to be some fancy pilot. I was term as one, becoz at times, my attitude and personality is of such. Don't bother trying to gag me, cause you may only serve to inspire me more. But my basis of thoughts and opinions are only reflective of me. I'm not a loose cannon, but once I'm ready to fire, then what the difference in shooting with a pistol or a shotgun, if the intention is the same? Aren't we all judge by our intentions too, not just by the disguised acts we put on every single day then?
Should you then consider what I have written as gospel truth? That would be up to your maturity in understanding relationships and the human pysche.
The million dollar Question begs, have all I wrote, are they lies? Hmm.. this is a tough one isn't it?
I'm not someone who is out to slander anyone. I don't deny my opinions can be very strong and I would defend it earnestly. But that doesn't make me unteachable yet. In fact, if I was so headstrong, I would have save myself from many more hurts.
if you are yet to know me well, I can reassure you I don't decide one fine day to make up stories, or say... hey.. let's go pissed off this person just for the fun of it. What more someone who is close to my heart.
The reader of this blog has the very important task of understanding what I'm writing and discerning what I'm writing is bad mouthing.
Oh yeah, in case you're wondering, I actually had another lady being used as a miss too in my recent entries.. so if you get mixed up, I'm sorry.
For what I write, there has been a basis. There has to be a fire for smoke to appear. Let's leave it as that then. I have no intention to further prove my case.
Why do I write then?
My blog is never meant to be a major broadcast or even to be links for others to look at. I write becoz, I write. Do I write to gather attention to myself? No maybe I write, coz I feel its time to piss on others? Nah. I don't even advertise my blog .. haha
I'm never going to be the most PR person especially when it comes to people. I don't do tat. Maybe I'll learn.. but for now, I'm not such a person.
What I say or write, many a times, may always been terms as scandalous, but if you sit down and reflect about it, many a times, what I write, and your response would be a reflector too..of who you're inside.
I don't intend to keep my blog a private one, firstly, becoz I'm lazy.. Secondly is there a difference in keeping this blog private, if the issue is that my writing is offensive. Thirdly, I believe in writing openly, a fair exchange of ideas, thoughts and beliefs. I don't have much to hide anyway.
If so, wouldn't it be easier for you to stop reading this blog then, rather then I make it private.
If I remember correctly, towards the end of my ex blog, she was also bombed with various crushing comments. And after a while, I think she felt it was meaningless to continue writing it.
I felt very sad for her. By then, I couldn't do much, so all I could do was pray and try to leave nice tags even if the meant nothing to her.
Last, may I end this entry, with my reason to write my blog.
I started my blog, as a form of expression, it became useful for me to start penning my thoughts and reflecting on them later in my life. When I was depressed, it became my main form of communication to others, who bothered to say Hi, how have you been.
Then, I felt this blog has to be an account of my life, warts and all. I tend to write alot more of my personal rubbish, my failures.. my lamenting like most blogs do.
Finally, this blog is my testimony. Unlike most testimonies you hear, they are all good news, mine is one in progress..
Will there be good news in the end? Only time can tell.
8 comments:
- At 3:20 pm Anonymous said...
-
hi shane.
i commented a few times under the pseudonym 'Mary' i dont know if you remember my comments though.
i dont know you personally well enough to feel comfortable in putting my name after my comments. i hope you understand. what i can tell you is that i am from your church too.(should it be that 1 day you would like to find out who i am, i'll gladly let you know when i feel ready)
my comments have always been along the same line : if you feel what you have done is responsible to God, you seriously do not need to care so much about what others say about you, both supporters and detractors alike. we cannot possibly please everybody, so we might as well just choose to please God for its only His approval that matters and counts.
reading your blog regularly has helped me understand a little more of you and i do know that reading your blog does not qualify me as a bona fide friend of yours but i do wish that one day, perhaps you'd be able to look at your ex,appreciate the time you had with her but not dwell over the past or harbour any misgivings. giving up someone close to your heart may be painful, but God says that it is possible.
cheers, shane and i'll pray for you. - At 7:06 pm shane said...
-
Hey Mary,
thank you very much for your writing. Your thoughts and advise are most appreciated.
I think one thing about writing this blog; I've gotten very clearly from above is to write from my heart; to showcase the misgivings of man, and unmeasureable amount of grace needed.
I would also like to thank you for your prayers. Yes, through God's grace and love, I'm learning to continually able to look back at my past with a smile. Becoz, it was a wonderful blessing throughout my time.
Whether you're a friend or foe, it really doesn't matter that much to me; since we can learn from friend and foe alike.
You've been most gracious with your words.
Cheers. - At 3:20 am Anonymous said...
-
Hi everyone, I’m Cheryl-the “ex”, the one that many people have been whispering about. Beating around the bush and hiding behind pseudonyms will no longer be my modus operandi of choice. (Not that I have actually been leaving all sorts of anon remarks here)
I’ve been following Shane’s blog off and on, heck I even linked it to my previous one before. And I understand that a blog has its readers, those that make their presence known and most that don’t. Most that claim to know us, him, and maybe even me. Most that…like one claimed so confidently: “because everyone knows what happened and its quite a no-brainer who you're talking about specifically.” I was fine at first, with him writing about me and about his heartbreak. But sometimes it really frustrated me. While most people would say ‘If you don’t like it, don’t read it’, I’m sorry but if someone’s blog was occasionally commenting about you and your past relationship, I highly doubt you are going to sit there and wave everything away so casually. For all you know, you may one day need to sue that person for slander and defamation. But of course, that is extreme, and at the moment, unnecessary. One of my greatest concerns, and it still is, that all the readers here, whether they are from Dunman Sec, or especially church are going to have some strange idea about me, my relationship with Shane and whatever else. It is very easy to say….why should I care about what people think. Well, I SHOULD care. Because, to say it traditionally, I am a girl and I am a Christian and I am also human. And people’s one-sided myopic opinions are going to affect my relationships, my ministry, my trust in people, my life… and at the same time, those opinions put an invisible distance between others and myself.
Honestly, for a long time, I have been bothered by that. I go to church, and people ask me why is Shane looking so forlorn, is it you? I go home, and I get calls asking me what have I done to him or said that made him so depressed tonight? For goodness sake, people don’t even leave my parents alone? Now I leave Highlife and enter OneLife with fears that it is going to be difficult for me to form or repair friendships because at the back of my mind, I don’t know whether this person thinks I’m such a heartless bitch or what. It is not easy. Sure, not everyone reads this blog, or entries that refer to me. But some people do. I don’t disagree that a blog is a place for its owner to unwind, and yes we cannot control what people think….as one anonymous reader said. PRECISELY because of that, I do not like that Shane is writing something like… this “And compounding to tat, she seems to have gone back to her ways before you two were apart, therefore causing the reason that the relationship didn't work becoz she wanted to grow as simply ....reasons?”
People like to think they know EVERYTHING, they are omnipotent, all knowing. Well, just because you are Shane’s friend, and he may have said some things to you (what I don’t know), that doesn’t make u any wiser because you haven’t heard anything from me? And just because you are reading someone’s blog often, you don’t really know the person nor the person’s history. A blog is just a façade, a window and often a persona that people like to have. Even if they are dead-honest on how many enemies they have, the stories behind them and all, how do you know it is true? Moreover, how many readers forget that there is such a thing as a ‘view’, and it may not be the truth? And while yes, like Shane says, “The reader of this blog has the very important task of understanding what I'm writing and discerning what I'm writing is bad mouthing.” How often does that happen? I personally have never believed that just by reading someone’s blog, we can discern truth from opinion. Much less, what is ‘badmouthing’, because writing can be so sly. So I would like to say that no I did not leave Shane without a word, and I did not leave him because he was ill, I left him because after all that I experienced in our relationship, I realised that I was really sick and tired of some things, and I didn’t want to marry him in the near future either. It’s not a personal attack of his character, it’s just my opinion and my experience.
Sometimes a break up is best done cleanly, regardless of whether one party claims to have no closure, because what kind of closure do you want Shane? One that u want to hear? In the light of the depth and extent of our relationship, it is only right that we should’ve had no contact then. Soul ties, they say, need to be really CUT. They are only consequences. And Shane, I would like to ask again then, that instead of just removing entries, STOP WRITING ABOUT ME from now on. Writing about me in the 3rd person doesn’t make a difference, people are NOT STUPID. I believe I have the right to ask of u this, and I don’t like you writing your opinions about me or about our past relationship so wide-eyedly as if it was completely normal. If anyone out there is really wondering why I chose to break up, at least one of the main reasons, then I’m sorry but I cannot say unless we’re very close because I do not want to air my dirty laundry to you. All I can is, my parents were glad I stopped the relationship, and if u knew about everything, you would be glad too.
And I know there are people in church, who have bad opinions about me because of Shane’s ordeal and etc. I just want to say, please be fair to me at least, and realise that I have better reasons to end it than “We were incompatible” or “I found someone better” or etc. And that it makes it hard for me to sometimes trust people in church, (WHAT MORE CHURCH?!) and yes I may have handled things or my life less perfectly than u would want it to be. But still, I have flaws, and I am human. And maybe at the end of this, Shane is going to refute me with 10000 reasons, or maybe his friends are. Well I’m not here to argue with anyone, so don’t expect a debate from me.
At the end of the day, i lost my ideals, my values, my innocence, my trust, my convictions, my nearly everything during those years. It was like a disease eating me inside out quietly, and I had a part to play of course, but that was an experience I chose to leave behind. Whether or not you understand, it is justified to me. AND Shane, remember, NO MORE comments about me. If it goes on, I will raise it up to Jackson, to your cell leader, or whoever that I feel I should. Enough is enough. And u HAVE to respect that. Write about yourself, your life, your work, your friends, I don’t care…just leave me out for once and for good. Thank you. - At 4:24 am Anonymous said...
-
If we would talk less and pray more about them, things would be better than they are in the world: at least, we should be better enabled to bear them.
- At 4:38 am Anonymous said...
-
You said u needed to hear directly from her...Now that you've heard directly from her.......BE A MAN, DOOOO THE RIGHT THING
- At 11:13 pm Anonymous said...
-
ok... ppl show's over... move along...
Brother,lady has spoken so you know what to do
Lady, Pray everything goes well for you. Long time no hear from you liao :)
Rest of the world... dun go round talking and whispering about this and that...
Need an answer go to the source...
Need a hot dinner topic?... find something else...
friends start talking about it? for goodness sake ask them to talk about something esle... talk about their own life for a change :P
For everything esle, there's Mastercard - At 12:40 am Anonymous said...
-
i'm sure what everybody wants is just a fresh and new headstart. i'm sure that not everybody has been passing judgement and that those who do simply have nothng better to do i guess!
hopefully my comments have not been misconstrued as judgements. like every other concerned person i just hoped for shane to move on and look to God.
i am from riverlife too but i do not mix with the crowd who has been using this as gossip fodder so i really don't know what others have been saying.i only knew of this whole situation when somebody passed me the link of shane's blog to read and that's what i did.
and since i didnt know both shane and cheryl personally it was not of me to comment on the whole issue itself, much less give advice or pass judgement.
so as the prev commenter said, its time to move on,forgive and forget. and hopefully,be stronger =)
Mary - At 1:10 am Anonymous said...
-
Yeah can we all just move on now? And shane you know what to do..not write abt her in 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th person..you know what i mean lah.. just MOVE ON in every possible way even writing about her..you need to talk about her, talk to Him. Shane and Cheryl...those two names ah...sorry ah, but its history..it's more than history actually, no relation...so shane wake up and people stop judging cheryl and having opinions about her...give her a break...so Mr Shanie boy, your next entry ah...let's all hope it wouldnt have a hint of anything that has been brought up here...maybe u can talk about work or the world cup ah...who's going to win ah haha