For you.
Its in this in the early morning, that finally, I pluck up the humility and what I believe is the right posture to reply to you.
Yes, in replying, I may been helping you achieve the point; I would be 'justifying' my words and thoughts, but, may I humbly extend the posture of humility to you, that you would retract the bold challenge; and take on the same humility that our Lord took; allowing us to both learn through this process and interaction of ideas.
Initially, with your writing, I profess i took it as a compliment, that you bothered to go through the effort to reply, to stand up for the fair maiden. But, of coz; its with several reviews and advise from peers, that i learn to appreciate the full extent of your claims.
Let me share that its never my intention to bring or 'tear apart' the reputation of her. Why would I, wouldn't I simply be highlighting then, as a sore-blighted spurred ex-lover?
If so, I would vouch that period of life for me is over by and large.
To narrate the personal standpoint, may I use myself as the subject matter.
Let me share with you honestly, that I believe each of us are a plenty of facets, and personalities. I for one, confess, there's a me; inside.. that I would classify as the Shane of 1999-2004 ~ that was a period, that I learn to love in great deal, with someone so lovely, so easy to love.. I made a lot of grave mistakes too; but never the less, its wonderful memories, and a part of me when I learn to love to an extend beyond my own needs.
In 2005, Shane went thru a period, of transition, a period, of being lost, priorities, decisions, and most importantly the relationship aspects had to be placed under serious review. He was both angry, hurting...devastation amidst his plans made over the years; now in tatters.. feeling unable to adjust; like a part of him that was surgically removed without any pain killers. He needed attention and care, but was never in the right frame of mind to even understand himself anymore, let alone handle his relationships. He had lost his best friend. Friendships, Relationships with people generally became a façade to him. He believe he was better off, never to be in the position of such hurt anymore. He had lost his 'loving feelin' him along the way.
2006, Shane is standing up physically, but emotionally and spiritually he has never left the posture of his head between his knees; hands stretch out.. continually crying out above.. Becoz, he's still struggles with insecurity, the weight of feeling a burden to others.. .and so many more. He knows his lack, and would kindly appeal to others for their patience in his life, and would just desire to continue to learn what it means to be a broken bread and pour out wine for his community; not becoz he's worthy.. but becoz he's convicted of that thru the love of his Lord and saviour. Therefore, although a cynical romantic, he is still in the process of understanding and praying to be more attentive to the holy spirit's guidance in his life.
As for his attitude towards her, well, there will always be a part of him; that has learnt to love her.. and that love is no longer the same, and it will never be the as before either.
He continues to pray for her, and in his silent moments, give thanks for the wonderful opportunity to love, to honour her. To him, she's still one of the few close to his heart; but will always have to struggle to learn to love her in a manner that glorifies their Father in heaven. Like an over-protective friend, he wants to protect her, but also he lives in the shame that he no longer is in a position to be of love to her.
Do you love ....?
I did. and the season of love for me..may have just blew by. But for you, it may be an upcoming season.
May I pray that what I write resonates into you, and more importantly, challenge you to be one above me; seek and trust in love with all your heart and let that the love in you comes not becoz of yourself but of God's love for you.
7 comments:
- At 6:32 am Anonymous said...
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you are full of contradictions shane. that period of life is over for you..yes..not by choice...but your words express that you're holding on to it by choice. it may not have been your intention (one will never know) to affect her reputation..but as her friend i can tell you that you certainly have. and the whole thing about season of love and if i've loved is irrelevant. this is about you and how you keep bringing her up in your blog and how that affects her reputation even if she knows or doesnt know it. You've got to stop doing that. you've been told before by leaders, by friends. It's time to start listening
- At 12:30 am Anonymous said...
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im gonna speak to both shane and whoever is giving the comments.
first to shane, u're the intellect bro, not me. i've always looked up to you (whether you know it or not), to the way you handle situations, manage stuff...even tho at times i disagree with you. so i dun think you need me to tell you that there's some truth in whatever 'anon' is saying. some of these things i've talked to you too. its a delicate issue to try and balance between what is your private opinion and what actually affects others. like we've always shared, our blog's a place for us to voice out our thoughts, our lives...an avenue for us to unwind and pour out to those who bother to know about our lives. but having said that, we all have to agree that we cannot control what others choose to think after reading our egestions so, it might do you good to be more discrete about what you write esp things pertaining to her, because everyone knows what happened and its quite a no-brainer who you're talking about specifically. if not, you might wanna consider making your blog private, like how i do mine.
with regards to the way things are going, how you're managing this whole issue that has to do with her, i will not talk here. becos it is not right and becos i think as brothers, we deserve at least the privilege to talk face to face about such things.
as to anonymous, i stand by my brother to say you've been too harsh. we've all tried to help, but i think we must know when to draw the line. i trust that if you are a friend of this lady, you are a friend of shane's too. and i think i've a pretty good idea just who you might be. if that being so, i think shane deserves better than to be rebuked by you in such a public manner, cos im reading it and im offended by your tone. if you truely think what you say is worth mentioning and that its aimed at helping my bro, do it in honourable fashion and go up to him. speak with him in person. if not, or if you dare not, den i suggest you keep your thots to yourself. cos you're doin no better in putting him down like this. i say this in love, cause we all need to grow from this whole saga and not start a battle of words.
shane my bro, u're gonna have to move on. and soon. like really, really let go. but u can be sure, i'll be here running along with you, cos thats what brothers do. you should have a pretty good idea who i am by now...if not, i'll be quite disappointed. =P see you soon. - At 12:31 pm Anonymous said...
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To whoever the other anonymous might be...you can go on speculating about who I am...and if you think you know who i am why don't u come up to me and tell me? if shane is going to be putting up his thoughts like this on his blog and if whatever he is blogging about isn't very acceptable to many, im going to be telling him about it and everyone who reads this blog by leaving comments. and if you want me to go up to him and talk to him about it...then you might as well ask shane to talk to everyone about it publicly, reaching out to the same number of people his blog does (might as well stand on a chair and give a speech) cos it's the same mode of communication isn't it...but since he is blogging abt it, i will leave comments about it. but thanks for trying to address the both of us...the same way you're offended about how i've left comments about shane..there are many others who are offended by what shane writes about her. but i must say, your suggestion about making the blog private is a gd one..
- At 12:39 pm Anonymous said...
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Anyway..enough has been said...i'm sure shane knows what to do..and i'm done leaving comments about this...
- At 2:28 pm Anonymous said...
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you choose how long you want to grieve...after that, burn the bridge...move on...
- At 2:12 pm shane said...
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my dearest 2nd anonymous,
i know you.
Thank you for your kind wors tat I don't deserve.
-shane - At 10:57 pm Anonymous said...
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i could die laughing!!!
anon talking 2 anon calling each other anon.....that really cracked me up.. mahahaha