Missing an Open Goal.

Today on the pitch, I had the best chance of the match that didn't result in a goal. In a match that ended 3-3.. it was a horrible miss. Thank goodness for my strike partner not missing a easy chance to level the match. It was heart-wrenching.. but overall, I think it was the best performance this year personally. I better working on my finishing!!

Missing an open goal seems to be such a good topic to write about, I end up bloggin on this at 1.38am on a Monday. I should be getting some rest.. but I was lying in bed and the only thing I felt like doing was to update with this entry.

God has been good. So good as always. So much to give thanks and pray about.

Being a partner in a newly established firm is no fun at times. Esp when u realize that your firm doesn't qualify for different finanical schemes that are meant to help newly establish SMEs.. but the constant process to pray and have God in our business plans have been such a wonderful blessing in my own life journey too. But God has been so good. Every opportnunity that he has opened and shown for us; he has allowed the resources to be avaliable. Not in the sense like magic, but just enough.
Just 2 months ago, I was searching for distributors for our Organic Snacks.. and to my dismay there weren't many distributors interested in organic snacks. It seem like a lost cause.. But God listened and answered our prayers. Although it wasn't obivious, but when I gave thanks recently, God gently showed me his fulfillment of our prayers. Surely, God's blessing was at times so subtle, that we could miss it.

In terms of relationships with others; esp in the manner of a life partner.. How timely and well written the articles were in the New paper on Sunday. In it, the journalists wrote about great man (s) such the late President, Mr. Ong T.C and others who had the wonderful support and love from their life partners. Thus, when their partners left, how the devasation hasten their departure. In a very morbid way, it was romantic. Its like Love in that manner seems so impossible in this 'throw-away' society that we practise these days. When SATC tells u that, Mr Big can't be faithful for some seasons, but he'll be back to rescue u on the last eposide ( the only eposide I seem to have watch from start to end!).. in between sleeping and exchanging partners, you will finally settle for one..its something that begins to plant a seed of mistrust in the mechanism of love these days.

I understand deeply what it means to have a love one leaving and feeling cut-off. in fact, i believe half the contents of this past blog would have been me, whining, or crying out my heart regarding the missing the 'loved' ones no longer around. My friends call me foolish .. But I know deep in my heart, I may just continue to love this person in a manner; no longer romantic but with a sense of admiration and thanks-giving for her involvement and support in my past. The cut-off feeling was so unbearable at times. These days it is re-visited whenever after church service ends, and I'm alone. Not sure where to go. Speak to mutual friends and feel awarkard or just leave the scene. Many times, I do the latter.

Its like a low-blow when she walks by, and you dearly wish to say even a simple hi... and then u remembered the following reasons," I'm strongly pressured to cut all communications with you.. until our relationship is truly over".. this statement coming after my dear lady telling me pretty clearly that she had gotten over me. I thank her for her honesty. But I don't know if I should feel angry or plain disgust. U see, after the break-up..everyone just keep telling us to keep our distance etc. Soon, we don't even talk..and miscommunications instead take place. Gosh, those were painful moments. These days, I choose not to communicate with her, becoz of the 1st statement in this paragraph. If I love her enough to let her go, then it should be possible to just cut the communication from her. Maybe its the best for the both of us. But when she walked by today, I was like invisible.. that feeling was worst that missing an open goal. Worst than being kicked in the nuts. I wasn't even asking for a kiss. But the plain .. ignorance was just too clear & ..decisive.

Health wise..its still ding-dong...I'm truly amazed by my dear cell members' confidence that my condition can be stablized. He's the first and only doctor that prays for you on a Friday cell night and then re-aligns your spine on a thursday afternoon. I really wish to appreciate him better..but is a simple thank-u enough??? I don't know..but I do knoe, my condition has improved becoz no longer am I taking posion to control pain. i endure n live thru it better now..

Let me end, with the amazement of God's planning. When I was enjoying being single esp my bank account...proudly asking for affirmation to live a swinging bachelor lifestyle to the end of my days and rubbishing thoughts of starting a family again.. God allowed a sister to come into my life ... and change and challenge it once again. She's great company. Even though, I gave her several bad dates.. she didn't complain. In fact, her maturity makes her stand out so much.

But for now, I rather still remain single. The burden of sickness, the desire not to be a burden..the lack of confidence to provide security..the broken shattered dreams of the past.. all these..well make me unwillingly to pray for a marriage partner. W/o that desire, i guess I wouldn't step in another relationship. I'm constantly praying for the broken and detorating ones to be blessed. Anything has been a bonus.

I'm learning to enjoy the oasis again. Thank u miss. Thank u father for all the wonderful plans.

In u .. I trust.