Detours in Life..
Imagine>>
When you felt ready to run..
you make all the preparations.. stretches.. even make all the prayers.
then..you start running..
alittle pain.. and it gets worse..
till u can run no more.
never again.
What happens next then?

i've been battling a lack of self-worth, a deeping well of self-pity.. not since the break-up of my past relationship.. but ever since I realized that life would never be the same again.. Degeneration is a real.. happening reality of my life.

Lord, I struggle now so much to worship you.. but I know you're good in my life. You protect me, you allow the pain in the body for a purpose I don't understand.. you never would allow anything the devil can do in my life w/o your loving watch over my life.

But still I struggle. I see the oasis along the way. The fulfillment of your promise. But in my heart I crave more. I crave a 'normal' life.

I crave a life w/o physical pain anymore. I want to be able to run again. To jump w/o fear of causing irrerversible damage. To stop taking drugs.. to NOT have drugs ruin my life and confidence. To approach a relationship w/o the weight of being a burdent to anyone.

~My first business trip overseas.. business meetings went well, but everything else Lord.. I struggle to accept it as acceptable worship onto u. I didn't know 3sec was all it take to cause such damage. I could blame myself for the pride to drive still under the influence of drugs.. I curse upon my pride. Lord, if you weren't there, for me to go your kingdom would have been fine; but to bring a mentor with me .. the blood on my hands is something I can't live with. I promised not to take drugs to relieve the pain; but I can't do it anymore. 9 hours in a car. Feeling every brake.. the pain of paralysis.. has diluted my ability to focus on my mission on this trip.

Lord.. I plead onto you. I pray this detour and submit all these under your divine lordship. I need your grace and peace everymore.