What is Real

As the new year closes in,
and the reflection of the year gone by..

Do you sit there & give thanks,
or do you hide in a corner... realizinig what has gone by.

I'm in a limbo. a lost state. Vaccum..

Figure this out..

I started of this year, believing it to be a year, of growth, re-newal.. and fruits.
With the end of 2004, I was quitely optimistic. My little faith voice said, it'll all be good.

With little impression, I said let's make this year to remember.

However, I do hope to forget 2005 in a hurry if possible, but this year will surely mark as one that is never-easy but God's grace pull me thru.

Never, have I cried as much. Never in a year, has my faith been stretched all over the place.
Health, Finances, Work, Studies, Friends, Lifestyles, Priorities.

When i was young, I told myself I wouldn't allow myself to get hurt.. To be made a fool. But how I realized that i'm more of capable of doing it on my own. Sinking to depression isn't a fun thing. And sometimes, I seem to drift away from it all, and to top it all off.. I managed to sink in twice. And honestly, I've no idea if I've gotten over it.

Maybe I never will. Tat's the dead honest truth. (sings blue eye blue.. to himself)

As what my Cell leader said, hey hey, you've alot of philosphy to say eh?
in other words, woah.. man.. you're spilling too much bull@@#$

Sometimes it bothers me, when i said the honest truth, people look at me and either laugh.. "like you can't be serious?"
or have the... "you gotta go counselling" ..look/comment.

Haha. Its like you've to ask permission to be yourself. To be who I believe God has set you to be.

Don't say what i can't do. Or what I won't. I rather strive to appreciate the beauty of limitations and capabilities.

Like what someone told me that rings so loudly in my thoughts," Don't tell me that, from you, I can't hear it thru.."

Yeah. We all wear filters at times don't we?? Maybe we even filter our own reflections from ourselves!!

But more than anythin else, this year, I've learn what I cannont accept; as being part of my life prinicipals. Nothing to shout about. Maybe more than anything else it could be pride, but then again.. we all have to make a stand in our lives.

I'll always have to be who I'm. Whom God has shown me to become. Anything less, anything more. I'm a liar.

New Year ... a change of calandar..

..........a new beginning..