For those who wondered...

Its just another extra-ordinary sunday.
Had a good time in cell, and was very touched by the session when zengxin just prayed and shared wat the Lord sense is from him onto our lives..

Church service, I stayed on the outside, watching via video link as I was so groggy throughout the service..

Post service, I recieved a package. To cut the long story short, in this package, contained something very percious to me. Something I wanted, a person precious to me to have. Thus, to get it back then returning it again was a confusing & painful issue for me.

I waited for everyone to leave, before I burst into tears again. Funny how things are, that for me to bottle it all inside and then suddenly, letting it all out.. I just couldn't take it anymore. No words could describe it, but I grew tired of crying.

I told myself, I wanted to understand what was happening before I made my final impression..but it was so hard, with thoughts of rejection and worthlessness being overwhelmed.

now, I think the issue is over. Being a dumb-ass, I wrote nearly all my thoughts out on sms as a reply, and maybe that was uncalled for. I still have alot to learn about respecting people's wishes. I really don't understand or grasp the concept of everything that is happening...maybe I'm just foolish.
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Lord, I never meant to blow this thing up more than it should be. But I can't take back what I've wrote. I don't even know if I should regret it. I'm really at a loss wat's happening. But I know thru this all, your pefect plan is at hand. Forgive me. Forgive us for our foolishness. If you would, bring redemption back to your people. Thank you father. In your son's precious and holy name,
amen.