Everything in its time.
~thank u corrine may for this apt song...

1 month has past between my last entry and this.
August has been painful to say the least.

A mess of emotions,
a discovery of the bottom of pits..

Can I possiblity dig myself an even deeper grave than the present place for one that I occupy?
Can I really be free from all these...?

Afflictions; by self, from others..
whats the difference anymore?

Do I start living for myself, for a higher authority;
pursue the great mystery or trust the voice that comes neither from my head nor my heart?

Do I really believe that heaven knows;
heaven being the kingdom I'm preparing for?

Beautiful healer, wonderful grace..
do you despie me so...

Not more decieving myself,
I'm still in the pit of sorrow, but I don't know who dug it, or even why I'm still there.. and what lies ahead for me?

A thousand reasons, I can tell myself to give up..
But I tell myself,the answer will come..
I'm just stubborn in my values..;

maybe I've lost my common sense;
it could be for the better..

when I finally learn to embrace this 'new' me;
u keep calling me back to be the person I was...
Do you know how torn that leaves me?
isn't being holy your only concern...

I'm losing my mind..
crazy in this ridulous world isn't so bad...

I don't know if what hasn't killed me;
how am I gonna be stronger..; nothing seems to have changed!

I don't have the desire;
neither to be close to u anymore,
to be in peoples' presence, to pursue a career...

But I tell myself, I'll try...
I know this journey isn't just a sprint;
I try to press on... learn from whoever is willingly to teach..

I take tiny steps everday,
becoz I know I'll easily retreat...
endless cycle..; signs of a desperado running from jail...

will you deliver me?
I cry to u ....
pls release me;

your peace...
courage;
wisdom..

Holiness, our quality from heaven..
holy spirit, I grieve u..

it takes seasons for water to be wine...

but is there a way back for salt tat lost its saltness;
light lost in the darkness..
names, struck off your book...

or are all these illusions of my mind...
my memories bring no solance anymore..

sorrow..I've no words to describe u..
u seem to be the only constant company..

my legacy burnt to shreds..
usless planning for 'nought

help me believe, once again.