enough!

have you gotten so sick of yourself,
even self-pity is too much to take?
too self-absorb to continue..
so much that looking at yourself also makes you sick in the stomach.
a kick to the gut,
or to the groin..
oh wateva.

its only when you're ready to die, when we embrace the fact of death, and see it as a wonderful passage to the next that maybe we can truly live. Truly to feel alive, is not to fret over the next day, nor just be bogged down to past.

I can give you all the religious lingo, etc... but does it matter? Am I trying to convience you, or sell you my ideas? Wat's even the point of writing this piece of online trash....
I only vaguely remember why I started this blog.

It was to (mis-?)communicate. It was to share my life...alias an attention seeker (media whore?), trying to express my five cents worth, hoping someone will benefit...but trust me, even if no-one reads this, just writing all my emotions, standing emotionally naked, and being 'sensible' is all part of the therapy.

I'm not writing this to make someone happy or to upset anyone. Heck, you may not like wat I'm writing, you may choose to disagree...that's great. Becoz, trust me, I do disagree with even the very choice of words used to express...my limitations..with words, with sentense structure and most of all...my dread spelling.

I just wish to plainly release it all, at times, I feel so full of crap, so rubbished..trust me...just like my entries...sometimes worse. When it hurts, i instinctively run away from people, to live in my own hurts. It does feel better for wat its worth.

Then there're moments such as these. Sober from all the 'confusions', but trust me, bouncing from both extremes are just a daily routine. Both sides are now a part of me. Just like breathing n exhaling.

'Tension of the opposite extremes.'

When I pray, I get the 'sense' that to get out of the 'worm-hole', I've to be myself. To be pushing the limits of love, my faith, trusting my desire in his plans. Forgetting self and desiring a heart of service.

N ironic, its basically becoz of this, or the lack of it...becoz at the understanding of these, emotionally I hurt even more. The way out hurts, medicine is always going to be bitter eh?

I'm nothing. And maybe that's where my peace lies. In being nothing.
so that he's rightfully everything.