a whisper of thoughts.
Many remarked I look better today.
Was it the shirt, the less lookin of the floors?
haha.
neither.
Interesting, how I made my own committment, that my road to self-recovery,
wasn't based on her, my family, my friends.
But me. Yes, I want to get better. Becoz, I know tat he completes me.
N as I meditate on those thoughts,
while walking thru the malls w/o purpose,
a whisper came into my ears.
Tat somethings, not only do I've to learn to let go,
but also to let go of myself.
Let it all go to Jesus.
N sometimes, its the means tat also matter.
Yes, I used to believe courtship should 'always' end in marriage. But a good courtship doesn't need to. If two people, after a period of time, find that marriage isn't suitable for one another, and both are agreeable..then bless each other and move on.
Becoz dating wasn't a bibical problem back then, but tat doesn't mean the bible hasn't rules for it.
Its simple, to love one another as yourself. Tat means, u can only love the other person as much as u can love yourself. U can only accept others, as much as u accept ur life.
Can u imagine the bitterness, when marriage is in the picture, and it isn't sorted out. N with marriage in mind, does tat mean children etc is the goal of a marriage.
If we put it all into equation, then, should a 'Godly' relationship consider tat..
Interest->courtship->Marriage->kids->grandkids...etc..
I know of people who think way up into the marriage on the first date. On the other hand, some couples haven't even thought of next weeks plans..

N sometimes, like me, we seem to have all the plan figured out, yesh, I consulted God n all, but u know wat, becoz back then, my love wasn't comfortable even if i held her hands n prayed for us, thus I could never do it. I knew of her at times calling me names, to remind me..n I was scared. N maybe it was the start of the end. I made the mistake of putting her comfort above my duty..my duty to love n protect her in Christ, my Lord's name. The saviour of the world, at times, I had to shut him off, so tat I won't be pressurizing her. I remember the endless nights I had, praying for her..n feeling so joyful last year, when I knew he heard my prayers. I knew for her to be owning her faith, it needed divine intervention. N he delivered his promise. From the start of my relationship, I was a novice. But, not just becoz of her, but thru her, God has taught me so much. About faithfulness. abt temptation of the lust for others ..abt contentment.. abt stewartship of finances, abt love, honour n grace. N she has taught how to love, how to communicate love, understanding others better..challenging me to be patient n graceful. How to handle people's insecurities, how to listen.
Without the 2 of them, I wouldn't be who I was..N who I strive to be.
I'm just glad tat in my spirit, n he knows, I've tried my hardest...quite often with my own strength, but so often re-newed by the Lord. Thru the holy spirit, I hope I had made a positive difference in her life. N sometimes, I humbly feel so thankful that who I see now, n wat she was years ago, I'm just glad to be there. If she ever needed someone to know her from the start...n along the way, I think I could help tell the story.

Yes, every being of me loves her. Loves her so much. But wat good does my affection for her can do. I can only direct it to positive ways of building her up. Maybe tat's why, the breakup hurts so much, but becoz I love her, I did it. N becoz I trusted him, I walk away,(while making too much nosie)..n now, I know y she stays away. Yes, disappointed I'm, but it doesn't change too much, other than giving me a better understanding why she has been avoiding me. Becoz, the built-up her, cannont accept this fella now.
Parents will understand how this feel, love ones would too, tat yes, for the very simple act of love, a return is a bonus. We can't demand a return, becoz we've loved them so.(thank u father in heaven, tat u taught me this lesson, of ur love.)

I look up in the sky, tears have dried up...n you know wat..
God told me, to start everything anew. Don't think of trying to 'continue' the relationship from where u left off. Even if I bring the 2 of u together, u cannot think of marriage as u once did, but instead, get to know the new persons I've built for both of u. Don't expect just the past, expect my work in each of u. N I don't think he was just saying abt this for me, towards her. It was for everything.
Don't go into a friendship, hoping for courtship.
Enter a courtship, hoping(part-demanding) for marriage.
God reminded me,
start a friendship..bless each other in my name. Whether it'll lead into courtship, trust tat I'm in control. N let me be in control. I know wat's best for u n I know yar prayers..I won't need to tell u the future if u already trusted me.
Thus, are u on the same path as I was?
Thinking of marriage before I even know the (new)person well..
haha. I'm humbled.
so I guess,
its abt him always.

I want to see him n know him so much, tat the finer details don't matter anymore.
It shouldn't.
He's in control.