please .
Lord, I pray that you accept this prayer. How I've sin, how I've become the opposite of what you want me to be. Lord, you know my every situation, my every desire, my every regret. My every sorrow. Please Lord, if you would take this cup of suffering away from me, but if this is your way of teaching me, showing me the measure of your love, then please, I pray you will change my heart. Becoz only you can. Change me from who I'm now.
I don't wish to lie to others and put up a front, esp when they ask me if I'm ok; I just smile n LIE. And you know its a lie. I just...can't keeping ..I just feel so vulnerable. So many friends have avoided me, so many smiles gone, the sound of laughter silenced. I know it starts within me. I just feel so unworthy.
I entered the field today, not more than 5 minutes, and my knee gave way when I felt the studs flying into my knee. I hurt. But the physical pain can only limit me so much..Painkillers numb physical pain, n I've grown so used to it. Pain seems to be a friend. But I still live in the cage of my own emotional, spiritual prison.
I feel I'm only worthy of pain these days. I've lost the perception to see the good. I just keep screwing up so often. N its not people that backstabs me tat hurts, its me, self-inflicting wounds on me. Please Lord, help me stop. Help me not hurt the person I love. STop me from being a monster.
I dare not ask for forgiveness. Becoz, I feel so unworthy. I don't know if I feel remorse or just guilt. I don't trust myself. I feel so set-apart. So distance from everyone. I have cause her so much pain. Do I dare still believe I love her? Maybe I should just cut away my fingers, so tat I won't sent anymore hurtful sms, be dumb so tat I won't think. I don't know what to trust, what to love, what to have faith in sometimes.
Lord, forgive me for being a poor steward. Instead of blessing her, blessing others, I become so..stupid. Lord, I'm just so tired with myself. So ... I know even this attitude is sin, becoz I doubt u. I doubt your almightness. As I curse myself, I curse u too. Your creation. your fallen creation.
But I struggle so much just to accept who I'm now. Why. Is it my pride, my self-righteouness. Who am I to judge me, others?
I feel so lonely. so alone. Pls Lord, don't allow me to become an attention whore!
You have given me things so good, even now, but I don't know how to appreciate. I don't even dare to acknowledge the goodness, becoz, I'm afraid even those goodness will leave me like those before.
I really need to hear from u. I need ....I feel so empty.
I'm sorry father. I 'm sorry to hurt my friends, my love ones.
I just..
Lord help me keep my eyes on u. My broken heart, pls accept.
Into your hands, I commit my broken body, my lost soul n surpress spirit.
Pls don't leave me too.