Feelins inside.

Wat happens when God reveals to you, how your heart works..n challenges your desires?
This day.. I woke feelin all sore, n 'guilty' .. I didn't know if I crossed the thin line of being 'nice' n being 'annoying'.. n this really challenge me..
The devil n the insecure me, started jumping into all kinds of thoughts, like how un-worthy I'm, n how I've caused pain to others..It was so painful...n for some time, I just let the pain over-whelm me.. I knew, the pain caused in any sense, was self-inflicted. Stupid silly me.
I prayed.
With tears, I just cried out to him, n tried to lay-it down @ the foot of the cross.
Honestly, at times, I wonder, why have I 'changed' into this person...filled with self-pity n ...mood swings.. Its just so...urgh!
Each time, I keep trying to seek him...I should just stop trying n just yield myself fully to him..But the me now, seems so..un-predictable..
I don't know why I say or do things tat will hurt others n myself. Why...
I really search my heart..n even till now...the answers aren't there. But the answers aren't important right?.its the decision henceforth...n I've decided to press on n follow him.
I know when I say so, its like declaring myself to be a target board for attacks, but I shall not fear, for victory has been won, n I'm free..

So days will be hard, n so 'terrible'.. I pray tat God gives me a heart contented n always able to be in awe of him, even when I'm in discomfort.

I really need the prayer of Jabez..tat i won't cause pain to others, n believe tat God will extend my 'land'.. Lord..please forgive me n may others forgive me for who I'm now, n how if I hurt them.