pls allow me lament.

a couple of mintues ago, I had to take a shower. Becoz it was the only place tat could mask my tears in this house. I just feel zero now.

this evening, i met her. and she looked great. but we didn't speak much. I had earlier sms her if she could sit with me, by my sister.

She remarked later, tat she only read my sms much later. Was it an execuse, tat doesn't matter. She was on her way out somewhere, maybe running away from me. She looked so happy as she chatted and smiled with others.

I felt 'happy' for her. Her parting words. take care.

But I still feel a big zero. Becoz, now, I'm expected to not talk to her, or have direct contact with her. This is to aplease her needs now. It hurts so much tat it has come to this state. Do i deserve it? Tat doesn't matter, does it. Accordingly to her, she's restoring other friendships now, but ours...is left alone. in the dumpster.

My heart feels like its ripped apart..and I just couldn't be able to relate to others now, fearing tat one day, all my r/s may end this way. Wat have I done wrong?

Lord..please relieve me. Why did u left me to feel such hurt...and love for someone so much..now.

suddenly, 5 years..seem so quiet. Maybe she wants to act as if it never happened. Or that its all part of her past that she doesn't want to remember.

I really don't know how to react. I keep praying and fasting over it. She seems so happy w/o me. Guess, she doesn't need me anymore. I'm just another number.

I wish her all the best. And someone, one day..I will have the courage to love someone again.

I really would like to hear from her again...one day..soul mates are so precious..tat once gone, u just feel confused when u meet others.