the difference a day makes.
Today, work was tough..Spent the whole day working..didn't had much lunch. But thanks to God for his grace, most of the work finished. And somehow my boss offered to let me off earlier, thus I reached home for a while before I played badminton in the evening.
Before I left..I read somethings, that maybe I shouldn't...but i did anyway. I felt very hurt and confused when I read, and i just couldn't help but left the house eariler. Maybe I was craving to be appreciated, but when I read her comments abt someone else, and how this person has 'postively' impacted her life, I was hurt. I was always someone that strongly encourage her to find herself and explore certain things in life that were good and godly. Suddenly, in the last few weeks, being cold turkey really kinda made me wonder, " I wasn't a possessive bf, why must you treat me like this, like your other ex(s).Am I so undeserving and lousy? Have I done nothing(input) in my life that you can be proud of?"
But this isn't about me only. Its abt her wanting to sort things out in her life. Yes, my situation isn't pretty now, but I can hope that one day, she will give me her smile and treat me, the way she's treating others now.
Alot of things I don't understand, like wat it means,"picking at things, the messier it gets"...but I can only have faith that God will show her true this period and that she'll have clarity towards us. I'll just have to be tested in patience and pray for the best daily for her...I don't even know if the matters of the heart is abt us or maybe there are others involved. I trust her when she says she's not looking forward into another r/s now, but I do get worried when she is surrounded by male friends. But its only my concern. I pray tat others will reach out and postively impact her. And that maybe one day, she may turn back to me and talk like friends.
I don't deny I miss her hugs and kisses,laughter and crazy baby language but its not abt the physical or emotional support. Its more than tat. I think maybe becoz over the years, we have been blessed with such a bonding, tat now..the bond seems to be just hanging, like a part of me is gone. No matter, I believe God is in control. I truly pray that she will be with joy from the Lord and not take human or any other subsitutes now.
From badminton, I suffered a slight strain on my right wrist, strain a little back muscle again...and a new injury of sorts...I had the shuttle smashed into my mouth late on, the shuttle-cock causing some bleedin inside..Its a new injury..but I've my painkillers to take away the physical pain for another day.
Good night. God bless.